Very often in the last year I've found myself thinking, "What happened to my 'teenie-nincey baby' (as grandma says)?" I was excited, of course, about the new things he was doing, but at the same time, very sad that it was all happening so quickly. I know that I am not alone in this feeling. I know that every parent has felt this same way. But more times than not, I would look at my child, think "When did he get so big?" and then feel sad.
Well, a few weeks ago, after putting Audie to sleep, I sat near his bed (yes, I said "bed" not "crib" - we converted his crib to a toddler bed when he was about 9 months old, but that explanation is for another time), and just like so many times before, he looked huge and very much like a little boy and not so much like a baby. But instead of being sad, I was excited this time. I imagined him walking and later talking, and I thought of all the fun activities that we could do now that he is getting bigger, and I realized something for the first time.
Every time I think of my child, I want to feel this way. I want to be excited about what's next in his life instead of sad about what is no longer. I want to be completely enamored with the stage he is in currently. Yes, it's happening quickly, too quickly. That fact will always make me sigh and wish that time could slow down a bit. But my point is this: I don't want to wish that he is anything other than what he is. I don't wish that he was still a baby, I love that he's a toddler. And the fact that it's going by so fast is just a reminder to me that I need to be even more present for him, actively listening to him, watching him, taking mental snapshots of him, and trying my best to remember the person that he is at this exact moment. He is changing fast, so I better pay attention.
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