My Toddler

Audie's first birthday will be here soon, and things are changing fast. I no longer have a baby, I have a toddler.

Very often in the last year I've found myself thinking, "What happened to my 'teenie-nincey baby' (as grandma says)?" I was excited, of course, about the new things he was doing, but at the same time, very sad that it was all happening so quickly. I know that I am not alone in this feeling. I know that every parent has felt this same way. But more times than not, I would look at my child, think "When did he get so big?" and then feel sad.  

Well, a few weeks ago, after putting Audie to sleep, I sat near his bed (yes, I said "bed" not "crib" - we converted his crib to a toddler bed when he was about 9 months old, but that explanation is for another time), and just like so many times before, he looked huge and very much like a little boy and not so much like a baby. But instead of being sad, I was excited this time. I imagined him walking and later talking, and I thought of all the fun activities that we could do now that he is getting bigger, and I realized something for the first time.

Every time I think of my child, I want to feel this way. I want to be excited about what's next in his life instead of sad about what is no longer. I want to be completely enamored with the stage he is in currently. Yes, it's happening quickly, too quickly. That fact will always make me sigh and wish that time could slow down a bit.  But my point is this: I don't want to wish that he is anything other than what he is. I don't wish that he was still a baby, I love that he's a toddler. And the fact that it's going by so fast is just a reminder to me that I need to be even more present for him, actively listening to him, watching him, taking mental snapshots of him, and trying my best to remember the person that he is at this exact moment.  He is changing fast, so I better pay attention.

An update...

So it's been March since my last post.  Here's why:

I discovered Pinterest.  Okay that's not the entire reason, but it is a large part of it.  It's not just because Pinterest can be a huge time-waster and I suddenly have no time to post, but because I came across so many blogs with the same concept as mine - a stay-at-home mom writing about kids, diy projects, cooking, and other home-related happenings.  Except unlike my blog, these were much more developed and professional looking, and in a nutshell, these people actually knew what they were doing.  Why would anyone care about reading my blog when there are so many other (and better) ones out there?  Also, when I decided to start writing this blog, I began researching "blog tips" and quickly became overwhelmed by "link parties," "buttons," and advertisements.  Along with that, I was equally frustrated with basic html issues and the format of my blog template - I would try something, it wouldn't work, and because I have no idea what I'm doing, I couldn't fix it.  All the while, I was still dealing with a child who wouldn't take consistent naps and a husband who wanted me to stop spending so much time on the computer.  So what did I do?  I didn't touch or even check my blog for 5 whole months.

Then I realized something:  while I am hoping that this blog will be helpful and inspiring to others like me, I'm not writing for them.  I'm writing for me.  It's so easy to just let the days go by without much purpose and direction.  Each day I try to get things done around the house before my husband comes home while I spend as much meaningful and quality time with my son as possible.  Other than that, not a lot gets done.  I have projects that I've started - some years ago - that have never been finished, cleaning tips (thanks to Pinterest) that I've been wanting to try, but have never found the time to do, and LOTS of activities I should be doing with my child, but just like that, the day is done, and none of those things were even attempted.  Before you think that I'm being too hard on myself, I do understand that there are going to be days where not a lot is going to get done, and that's okay.  But my point is this: a huge part of why I started this blog was to give myself some motivation to get those things done...at least once a week.  Once a week, I'd like to have something to write about.  Plus, I also just love to write.  I loved writing when I was in school and always did well in my English classes.  Writing allows me to collect and organize my thoughts into something that makes sense - at least it makes sense to me.  It forces me to be intentional in the things I do and the choices I make for myself and my family. 

So the new plan is to try my best to post once a week.  I'm not going to worry about who or who isn't reading it...or about what it looks like and how I need to make it better right now.  I'm simply going to write.  I will attempt to set aside a specific amount of time to devote to it each week so that I do not spend countless hours on the computer obsessing over it (while annoying my husband at the same time).  Along the way I am hoping to learn more about "blogging" in general so that I can develop my blog and who knows, maybe people will start "following" and actually leave comments so I know they are out there.

But for now, it's time to make lunch for the sweet baby that has waited so patiently for me to finish writing this post.  :)